Ptsd

[ping9798]

Hello everyone,

I wasn't sure where to post this question, so I hope this is in the right spot.

My boyfriend is in the National Guard, and has been for the last couple years. We were together a couple years ago, broke up, blah blah, and are now back together. On Christmas (2008) he returned from a 10 month deployment in Iraq and has shown classic symptoms of PTSD. He started seeing a psychiatrist and was on medication for anxiety for a while, but quit both things. He seemed to be in a good place mentally and it seemed like he was ok with everything.

Last week, we got into a huge blow out fight, which started over something completely ridiculous. He was having a bad day and blew everything out of proportion because he couldn't get iTunes to download to his computer. He said that I don't understand what stress is like and I can't ever understand. He blamed me for a lot of things and was pretty verbally abusive. Then he turned around and said, "wait until you go overseas and take a life, then you can talk to me about stress." I have no idea where any of this came from but we haven't talked since. Between him going to drill this weekend and figuring he needed time to cool off, I haven't spoken to him. He can be the sweetest person...but then the next minute, he's a complete jerk. He's said numerous times that he's got a short fuse now and he gets easily irritated.

Has anyone dealt with someone with PTSD or the ups and downs of things like this? I don't know what kind of resources are available to him, or to us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's very frustrating because he doesn't seem to want to get better anymore. It's almost like he's using his PTSD as an excuse, or a crutch, if that makes any sense.

I've gone to CISDs in the past because of my job (EMS) and I found it helpful. Anytime I try to suggest anything to him, he gets defensive and mean about it, saying I just don't understand. He's right, I don't understand but I can still be here for him, being a good listener. I guess I'm just looking for any advice or resources that I can try. Emotionally, I can't let myself sit around and be someone's door mat, but at the same time I don't want to seem uncaring. Physically, I won't stand for someone putting their hands on me. So I'm kind of up in the air right now and looking for help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my rambling, lol


Lindsay

[RandyB]

Careful, he may escalate to violence if it gets bad. I would suggest walking away versus yelling back in these situations but do not have the experience to give you anymore advice.

My cousin said a lot of his drills had ptsd and warned them about it in basic.

[QuantumRN]

Military One Source is a great free resource for him. Some states even have their own mental health professionals. Reintegration issues after deployment is normal. In some cases, soldiers just need time. If it keeps escalating, than he might indeed need help.


Best of luck to you.

[ping9798]

Thanks Quantum

[PalatialGabe]

You need to get out when he's like that. Seriously

[7011USMC]

You need to get out when he's like that. Seriously

I concur! I wouldn't argue with him or entice him. If he continues and refuses to get mental health care then leave him. He got family? What do they say? Does he actively drill? He have any guard buddies? Enlist there help. If not and it continues get out and end the relationship. It is not worth you losing your life over.

[Mr_Loki]

Because of commitment. If you were him, have seen some **** and were messed up in the head, would you want your Girlfriend to leave you??

If it's been 2 years of these symptoms, he NEEDS to see someone. Besides hurting you, he can hurt himself...indefinitely.

[7011USMC]

Because of commitment. If you were him, have seen some **** and were messed up in the head, would you want your Girlfriend to leave you??

If it's been 2 years of these symptoms, he NEEDS to see someone. Besides hurting you, he can hurt himself...indefinitely.

I have seen some sheiot in my day...I have a daughter married to a soldier and if he laid hands on her....that SB wouldn't have to worry about mental health.

So yes If he is hurting her....mentally, emotionally, and physically...Get out while the getting is good!

Of course try to get him help: Enlist family, friends, or clergy whatever it takes etc....However, if it doesn't improve or refuses help....get the frank out of dodge and move on.

Life is too short to be unhappy. Never let a man abuse you. CRAZY or NOT!

[HeelToeSTi]

I have seen some sheiot in my day...I have a daughter married to a soldier and if he laid hands on her....that SB wouldn't have to worry about mental health.

So yes If he is hurting her....mentally, emotionally, and physically...Get out while the getting is good!

Of course try to get him help: Enlist family, friends, or clergy whatever it takes etc....However, if it doesn't improve or refuses help....get the frank out of dodge and move on.

Life is too short to be unhappy. Never let a man abuse you. CRAZY or NOT!

^This


Old boy should get one more effort on your part to get him help. After that, he should be done IMO. Sounds like a miserable situation

[Mr_Loki]

Im only playing Devils Advocate. I hate to see a soldier get left behind by someone who he loves because he cant help himself.

If he wasnt this way before he went to Iraq, then there is something wrong that NEEDS to be done. It is YOUR responsibility as his companion to help him. If he is abusing you or himself, the police can be a solution.

Now, if he is just using it as an excuse to be angry *cough* pms *cough* then you need to GET OUT.

[ping9798]

Thank you everyone for your input. I definitely walk away or get off the phone, or whatever I have to do when there's fighting involved with him. I don't want it to escalate and sometimes I'm honestly concerned that he could get violent. It's been a while since he's been back and I was hoping he'd start to get better, but it seems to be getting worse. He was going to put in for a volunteer deployment but now his unit is on rotation for next April anyway. I worry he'll come back even worse yet. As far as his family, he's divorced with a young child, and has a poor relationship with his parents and siblings. He doesn't have a good support system around him, and never has, so that's why I really don't want to give up on him because everyone else did. It's sad to see people go through things like this when there are resources available to them. PTSD is something anyone can get, but it's fixable with enough work. I went to enough CISD meetings to know how to avoid getting it in my line of work, but he's never really had that.

And trust me, I'm a strong person. If he ever hit me, it would be the last time he ever considered it because it wouldn't be pretty, and the cops would be called on him! lol. He doesn't want to go there with me.

I just want him to get better. Life is way too short to be miserable all the time, especially when you don't have to be.

[Chaplain4me]

His chaplain is always there for him.