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Convincing my wife, Round Two...

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  • Convincing my wife, Round Two...

    Well Ive decided that after the new year Im going to try and convince my wife to support my decision to join. I havent signed up yet, because I want to do it with her support. When I brought it up this past april she was very less then thrilled and we decided to put a 6 month moratorium on discussing it. I let that 6 months run long, but I think the time has come.

    Her biggest hang-ups seemed to be not wanting to be seperated for long periods of time and loss of income which in training but I think I can get around those.

    Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this?

  • #2
    I had the same problem when I was trying to go in the guard. My wife understands why I am doing it. I mean you have to look at it from her point of view, the possibilty of being alone for extended periods of time, financial hard ships and what not. ...It is tough to convince some one who cares about you to agree with letting you go put your self in harm's way. Like I said my wife understood my reasons and knew there was no talking me out of it. Now if I could only convince her to let me volunteer to deploy :)

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    • #3
      Army wives have it the hardest. Keep that in mind.

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      • #4
        You hit the nail on the head, I am just glad I was the soldier and not the spouse.

        I will tell you after just completing 20+ years in the military, (16 active National Guard), that if you do not have your family behind you 100% life will be tough. I do not want to talk you out of it but there is definently pro's and con's and it is always best to have all the cards out on the table before you begin.

        Drill will always cover a date that the wife want to do something as a family.

        You are on alert always, just sometime they really call you.

        You will come home tired and dirtly from AT and just want to sleep, the wife and kids are excited, you just want to sleep for a while..... Then you get to go to work the next day at your normal job.

        Here are the benefits you can discuss with your spouse.

        *$400,000 life insurance, wives claim not to ever want to receive it, however deep down they are glad to have a back up plan to you not being around.

        *The income does not hurt.

        *All the VA benefits

        *Health Care for those families who do not have (this does cost, but is a pretty good deal)

        *Educational benefits in the Guard are unbeatable, most states offer Free tuition.

        If you have not made the decision and need further assistance working on the wife shoot me an email at [email]CAVSG@gmail.com[/email], since my retirement I have found enjoyment in mentoring prospective recruits.


        CAVMSG

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        • #5
          To clarify about the financial situation. There isnt going to be one. We both make VERY good money and it wouldnt be an issue. Its just something she threw out there to try and present every counter arguement.

          The biggest hang up she has comes from one of her cousins. This may be tough to follow; her cousins husband comes from a family with a history of suicide (for those of you who dont know, suicide runs in families, if you have a suicidal relative your chances of offing yourself go WAY WAY UP). Well without even telling his wife he volunteered to deploy to Iraq (hes in the guard also). My wife (whos a practicing psychologist) thinks his volunteering was basically an elaborate suicide attempt. This of course demonstrates the fact that my wife is a little over reactive to stuff and doesnt really understand the military. I have to fight an uphill battle to convince her that Im not joining to try and get myself killed.

          As for active army families, I grew up as an army brat. My dad served 22 years and deployed to the first Gulf War when I was 11 years old so I got to see from the perspective of a family member too. It was tough but I also remember being so **** proud back then.

          Thanks for the replys guys.

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          • #6
            Take this as you will because I have not even been to BCT yet. From what people tell me, the pride, bravery, and comradery(sp?) that you will find the in the military is unlike anything you will see anywhere else. Sure, you can probably call on a friend to help you out in a sticky situation, but how many friends can you count that would volunteer to leave their families and go into a war zone for extended periods of times? Either we are not being told all the facts or your wife was not. He could have other reasons for going.

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            • #7
              Make sure you get copies of marriage cert. and birth cert of spouse and kids, copy of house papers. This will help get some additional money while you are at BCT/AIT. Never hurts

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              • #8
                hey i met my daughters father while he was active duty army, which he still is, i never once tryed to get him out of it, i dislike the fact that hes in germany for three years hes been there going on two so far. the biggest thing that upsets me is he is missing out on our daughter growing up. shell be turing one on january the 8th 2008. so far to date he has seen her once. when she was 5 months old. hes going to be home in time for her first birthday. at least you dont have to convince the military to let u in. i had enlisted in active duy army but eneded up pregant about 2 weeks before i was supposed to ship. cant really go to baisc pregos either. while i was pregant i developed asthma, now im trying to pass my stress test for my asthma to get back in. i love the time away from her daddy for the most part. it gives each partner a break, and for most people the love grows stronger with seperation. i have never ever cheated on him. at this time we are not together due to his stuipdness, not the seperation. the weird thing is we really do get used to the fact that your never around. i was pregant about three months when he left. then never seen him again till the baby was 5 months thats a long time to. shell understand they all do. and the finical hardships are not that bad. i hold my own pretty well being a single mom, i work at mcdoandls at that and go to college full time. my bills are always paid and my daughter always has what she needs and then some. so its not really that bad. it just takes some hard work and determination to make it work. good luck to the both of you

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                • #9
                  [QUOTE=FusionWhite]....I have to fight an uphill battle to convince her that Im not joining to try and get myself killed.
                  ....[/QUOTE]

                  If you encounter an irrational objection, I've found the best way to get around it is to challenge the individual gently but firmly to spell out exactly what is their objection. Oftentimes, once they hear themselves say out loud, "I think you're trying to kill yourself using this incredibly complex and time-consuming ruse," they realize it isn't as compelling as when it was unspoken.

                  If that doesn't work, appeal to her clinical side by referencing the demographic study in POPULATION AND DEVELOPMENT REVIEW 33(3):555566 (SEPTEMBER 2007). The article "Mortality of American Troops in the Iraq War" demonstrates that if your goal is dying, Iraq service isn't really that great of a way to get there. A few key points:[LIST][*]Iraq service is about one fifth as lethal as Vietnam service. [I](I wish they had also compared lethality to WWII service, but the authors did not)[/I][*]It's statistically safer to be a US Soldier in Iraq than a young, black adult male in Philadelphia. [I](I realize that I may have just launched a flame war, so please let's all be mature about this topic)[/I][*]Your chances of dying in Iraq are 2.5x greater than dying here in the US, everything else being equal.[*]One fifth of the Iraq deaths are non-combat related. [I](Might those deaths have happened anyway?)[/I][/LIST]
                  How at-risk of dying do you feel right now? Well, statistically you have 2.5x that amount of risk in Iraq. It's obvious that you're more at-risk in Iraq than here, but it's still a dramatically inefficient way to off yourself.

                  As a psychologist, ask her about the profile of the male suicide attempt. Men attempt suicide much less frequently than women, but succeed at a far greater rate. Men use catastrophic and instantaneous means (e.g., firearms), in contrast to women (who often use pills, which can take a long time to act). Thus, one would not expect a male to concoct a plan with such an exhausting set of prerequisites (MEPS, BCT, AIT, etc.), a timeline measured in months and years, and a very uncertain outcome (because there's no guarantee that you'll ever get deployed to Iraq, and once there may not find yourself with enough direct contact to put yourself in the requisite amount of danger). It just doesn't make sense academically.

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                  • #10
                    I don't have my wife to convince...I have to convince NGB (National Guard Bureau). My wife 'says' that she doesn't mind if I go; she's more concerned about the bills being paid. My kids are young (2 and 6), so I don't know how they will respond to 6 months (BCT and AIT) and 15 months deployment.

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                    • #11
                      Major Ritchie that is perfect. Thanks for that well laid out view of the topic. I will definately approach it that way.

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                      • #12
                        [QUOTE=jbachandouris]I don't have my wife to convince...I have to convince NGB (National Guard Bureau). My wife 'says' that she doesn't mind if I go; she's more concerned about the bills being paid. My kids are young (2 and 6), so I don't know how they will respond to 6 months (BCT and AIT) and 15 months deployment.[/QUOTE]

                        Switching to USAA even if only for insurance purposes alone will help with the bills. And all wireless carriers offer a discount + I think you can have them freeze your phone for the time you're gone if you wish.

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                        • #13
                          I was lucky

                          Just be honest with your spouse. I was with my wife, explaining why I wanted to do this and she accepted it 100%. She stood by me while I was gone and my kids were the proudest kids around. Its not going to be easy, especially on her.
                          Financially you should be ok, between your pay,housing pay and seperation pay its a good chunk of money.

                          PM me if you want to talk, i did it with a wife and 4 kids.

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                          • #14
                            [QUOTE=jbachandouris]I don't have my wife to convince...I have to convince NGB (National Guard Bureau). My wife 'says' that she doesn't mind if I go; she's more concerned about the bills being paid. My kids are young (2 and 6), so I don't know how they will respond to 6 months (BCT and AIT) and 15 months deployment.[/QUOTE]


                            Being gone goes hand in hand with being the military. You can't join the military and "hope" that you won't be gone. With schools, AT, or other training outside of deployments....the time away from family will always be there. Just something you have to learn to accept, and something your family would too.

                            2007 and 2008 = 24 months. By the time we hit Dec of 2008, I will have been away from my family for 13 of those months (not 13 months straight), and none of that is deployment. :D I love it though, love every minute of it.

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