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  • Depression

    I've been in the National Guard for a little over 12 months now. Before any of you bash me for what I'm about to say, hear me out.

    Before joining the military, I wasn't really that happy. I was pretty upset about a break up I had with a girl I intended to marry. I found out some stuff even after our break up that kept pushing me further and further down this hole. That's when I really noticed I had a problem.

    Everyone has always known me as some "angry" person. Nothing really excites me in life anymore. I have a great girlfriend and even she can't really help. The things I used to love doing are just dead to me now. Every new thing I try to do is just boring. I always want to be by myself.

    BCT wasn't a problem for me, neither was AIT. Both were fairly easy. It wasn't until about two months ago when my moods really got bad. I found out my unit might be deploying the end of next year. I know that's a really long ways away, but it got me to thinking about what I'd be doing on deployment. I'm a 19D Cav scout.

    Killing isn't something I thought about before BCT. I never thought about really taking someone's life. In BCT, I was disgusted by how many people wanted to k.ill someone [legally]. I read the Bible more than I ever had. Every day I think about "having" to pull a trigger on someone and I realize I wouldn't be able to do it. You can call me a *****, you can call me whatever. I just don't enjoy violence. It's gotten me to the point where some action movies legitimately upset me. I feel like I'm a liability. What am I supposed to do if I'm on tour and my squad gets attacked? Not only am I going to be hurt, but the rest of my squad could be too.

    I feel like the idea of killing has pushed me into a hole. Nothing ever seems to get better. I have no hope my situation will change.
    I don't really know what to do about it. I'm going to talk to a psychiatrist tomorrow (not a military psychiatrist).

    My question is, if he diagnoses me with depression, what happens? I've been reading a lot on being DQ'ed for depression and I keep getting so many different answers for it. Some say you will get dq'ed for clinical depression, some say you won't.

    edit: I've also been diagnosed with jumpers knee for a couple months now. It started around November while I was in AIT. My unit thinks I'm just making it up, because "I can walk" but I can't run. I don't know what to do. Should I look for a medical discharge for my knee?
    Last edited by todevastate; May 13th, 2011, 03:02 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Depression

    Soldier, you need to open up to your leadership and inform them of your feelings and your course of action.

    I applaud you for taking the necessary action to start helping yourself and getting viable treatment.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Depression

      Private Message

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Depression

        Let me be up front, I am not a chaplain, therefore I cannot "Advise" you to take any course of action, other than to continue to work these things out with your chain of command, and your personal physicians. It would also be good, if you got in contact with your battalion chaplain.

        If you are having thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself or anyone else you should seek the closest caregiver immediately.

        I recommend you call this number


        Call 1-800-342-9647, and visit this website.

        http://www.militaryonesource.com/hom...ch=&Component=

        This is the 1-800 number for soldiers that are having many types of issues.

        Everything you tell them is anonymous, and you get up to 12 free counseling sessions with a professional, and it will be a safe and secure place to talk.

        You should be applauded for your openness in your attemps to get help with this problem. Please continue doing the right things by seeking more help.

        Remember these are normal problems to have. And that you are not the problem, the problem is the problem.

        You're using personal courage, to get this taken care of, and I like that. That's the type of motivation I like.
        Last edited by Chaplain4me; May 13th, 2011, 07:34 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Depression

          what exactly is the ING? is it just inactive national guard? how would i go about doing that? i'm guessing they'd ask me a number of questions. i took the GAT survey about two days ago and every zone was red, or whatever is the lowest color. all my percentages have dropped by around 20+, except for social only dropping about 5. sorry for all the questions, i'm just not entirely sure how to go about this.

          sorry about doing this in a post, but your inbox is full.


          i felt so weird really telling someone i was questioning my mental health. but it's gotten to a point where i need to just stop beating around the bush. i want to feel better. i need to feel better. i can't keep feeling awful every minute of my life.

          i contacted the girights hotline and we were in contact for awhile, but i haven't heard from any of them in a little over a week now.
          Last edited by todevastate; May 13th, 2011, 10:18 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Depression

            The ING is just that. Inactive National Guard. You can go into ING for up to one year for personal reasons but still remain in the Guard. It is similiar to the IRR (Inactive Ready Reserve) except that the IRR comprises all of the Army Components, where the ING is just the Guard.

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            • #7
              Re: Depression

              Also note, you do not accumulate Time In Service while in the ING....as opposed to the IRR. It is essentially a freeze...and is typically used when soldiers take a job/project overseas for an extended period of time.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Depression

                so what happens if i'm in IRR and decide I want out? to be completely honest, i think the first step to start getting better would be getting out of the military. i'm not one to quit anything, but when my mental health is this much at stake, i really need to get it fixed. i honestly feel so trapped in the military.
                Last edited by todevastate; May 13th, 2011, 10:39 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Depression

                  Originally posted by todevastate View Post
                  so what happens if i'm in IRR and decide I want out? to be completely honest, i think the first step to start getting better would be getting out of the military. i'm not one to quit anything, but when my mental health is this much at stake, i really need to get it fixed. i honestly feel so trapped in the military.
                  When you are in IRR you are essentially out of the military. Its the part of your contract where you are not in an active drilling status. Do you mean ING?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Depression

                    yes, sorry, i meant the ING. but in my post i meant i want out for good.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Depression

                      Is this all really because of a girl? How old are you?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Depression

                        I would like to address the wanting to **** issue. A lot is very misunderstood when it comes to this. The military, it not a assassin force. Yes, we do carry weapons and items that will do that, but that is not the primary nor secondary goal. The prefered way is to do it without firing a shot, and it has been done in greater number than those that actually had a force on force contact. Do you hear about them? Not really, the News/Hollywood only shows guns being fired and bombs going off. If you just had a bunch of guys doing their job and not firing a shot, its not that big of a attention grabber. Villiages have been cleared and bad guys taken down without physical violence. Take a gate guard for example. When a unknown vehicle approaches the gate. There are signs posted, barriers, loud speakers, the Guards have lights that shine on the object approaching, then a warning shot, before the vehicle takes a round. There are multi levels before deadly force is authorized. We dont just go out there killing people. Does it happen like this all the time? Nope, sometimes, its **** or be killed, but those firefights are the ones you hear about. Dont get all bent around the bar, before you even get to that situation. Its great to have a open mind and think both sides, it shows understanding. War stories are great, and will always be around, but they are usually just about one particular situation. You never hear about the war that starts "There I was, knee deep in PMCS on my vehicle, it was hot, sun was blazing down.." Its not all about ending a life. Listen to everything, believe less than half. Just keep a open mind. Good Luck, I hope this all works out for you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Depression

                          Originally posted by SteveLord View Post
                          Is this all really because of a girl? How old are you?
                          i'm 20.
                          this isn't really about a girl. my past relationships have added to my depression, but overall, its not a girl that's pushed me "this far". it's a lot of things in my life from girls to family issues to slowly realizing im a pacifist to something i saw in the past as well as a few other things.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Depression

                            Look man, personal problems aside. You made a commitment.

                            How would you like it if you hired a contractor and payed him and he did half the work and decided to leave? When you hired him to do all the work.

                            The people on this forum have given you some great suggestions on getting help.

                            Talk to your leadership about changing you MOS to something like 25B if your combat MOS is contributing to the problems currently facing you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Depression

                              Originally posted by todevastate View Post
                              I feel like I'm a liability. What am I supposed to do if I'm on tour and my squad gets attacked? Not only am I going to be hurt, but the rest of my squad could be too.

                              edit: I've also been diagnosed with jumpers knee for a couple months now. It started around November while I was in AIT. My unit thinks I'm just making it up, because "I can walk" but I can't run. I don't know what to do. Should I look for a medical discharge for my knee?

                              Get a grip. You're not even deployed yet and you're talking about letting your buddies get hurt or killed because you're afraid to use your weapon. You serious with that?

                              Read the book "On Killing" by Dave Grossman.

                              As for everything else, put yourself in control. Life is what YOU make it, and nobody but YOU has control over it. YOU make you happy, YOU make you sad, YOU make you angry, etc. Don't waste your life being miserable because you think you're "depressed".

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