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  • Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

    I haven't officially enlisted but I have set the wheels in motion and it is just a matter of time now. The only problem I am having is that my girlfriend sometimes feels as if I chose this over her. We have been together for four years and this is something I have always wanted to do but have just finally decided to go through with it. She is being really supportive but sometimes gets a little upset about me leaving and choosing a more difficult life style.
    This is a cause I really believe in but I really love me girlfriend too. I have never really been good with words and need help finding a good, reassuring way to tell her that I am not choosing this over her. She is still the most important thing. I am choosing to have both.
    Any encouraging words or stories would be really appreciated!

  • #2
    Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

    Just be open and honest with her. She'll appreciate that more than if you were to beat the bush. Tell her your reasons for joining, and how your time gone is only temporary.
    And if you all are planning on settling down and getting married, it's a solid paycheck.

    Alex

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    • #3
      Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

      Originally posted by ryanph View Post
      I haven't officially enlisted but I have set the wheels in motion and it is just a matter of time now. The only problem I am having is that my girlfriend sometimes feels as if I chose this over her. We have been together for four years and this is something I have always wanted to do but have just finally decided to go through with it. She is being really supportive but sometimes gets a little upset about me leaving and choosing a more difficult life style.
      This is a cause I really believe in but I really love me girlfriend too. I have never really been good with words and need help finding a good, reassuring way to tell her that I am not choosing this over her. She is still the most important thing. I am choosing to have both.
      Any encouraging words or stories would be really appreciated!
      D a m n. If she's been with you for 4 years she ain't goin' nowhere, man. Nevertheless, you have to deal with reality--the fact of the matter is some marriages end in divorce and many boyfriends and girlfriends usually break-up when their significant other goes off to BCT or gets deployed overseas. If you love her enough to be with her for 4 years, then you need to be getting married anyway. Perhaps she'll feel you're more serious about your relationship with her if you marry her--that is, if you love her.

      He ll--the first three months was the worst with my wife. We've only been married for a few months and here I go enlisting in the Guard. And she's one of them sappy, sentimental, emotional, whiney types too. She went through that "OOooh, we won't be together for your birthday, our first anniversary, yadda, yadda, blah, blah". I just had to spoon feed her military life day by day as well as reassure her that I loved her. To make matters worse, we got robbed and she nearly cracked at the fact that I'll be off at BCT all summer and she'll be by herself. So, I bought her a brand new Glock 9 and showed her how to shoot it, load the bullets in the clip and load the clip in the pistol at the gun range. I also geared up the entire house with an ADT system. I had to make the commitment to spend every second of my time with her--no more mud riding in the Jeep all weekend, no more hanging out at the cigar bar with the guys, no more hanging out with old frat buddies.

      I also took her to the Army surplus store and bought her an "Army Wife" t-shirt and showed her all the benefits we'll be eligible for after I'm done with BCT. And finally, I took the whole family down to Destin, Florida for springbreak vacation. By the way, the Maxwell/Gunter Recreation Area is garbage. There is nothing recreational to do there unless you have an RV and provide your own entertainment. Oh sure there's a couple dozen cabins but they look like miniature barracks. He ll-to-the-no. That's a negative--a NO GO for R&R. Anyways, I've done everything from let her train with me at the gym to showing her Youtube videos of BCT at Fort Benning. Bottom line is, if she loves you and you take the time to make her understand that there's room in your life for the ARNG and her, she'll come around.
      Last edited by VICEROY06; March 15th, 2011, 12:52 AM.

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      • #4
        Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

        Aside from the previous posts, the best you can do is to have her also be part of the recruiting process, and as well part of the military process as a girl-friend or wife. there have been previous threads on this same subject, so you should do a search to see some of the reponses on those threads. Everyone has thier own story, and many are willing to share it as advice or a side-bar - do the best you can.

        Best of luck to you (and her) it may work, it may be difficult at times, but could be a successful thing... but your commitment to the military is no different that a commitment to another person [ in this case to "her"]- and as one hopes that releationships will become stronger - it is no secret that the relationship will be tested as well, but this is true with all things in life, for the most part.

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        • #5
          Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

          As a Guard wife whos husband has been gone since June 2010 and wont be home till October of this year (Loooooong AIT) I have a bit of perspective.
          Although we made the decision together I wont lie and say it has been a cake walk. Yes there have been birthdays missed and anniversaries and day to day operations that I have to shoulder on my own. But the little time we have spent together has brought us closer. I know it doesnt work that way for everyone but it has for us. There are tons of horror stories out there for the negative but you rarely hear the good ones.

          While I have gone though most of this bymyself with no support system it is best if she does. Get her on websites like Armywifechat.com it has a ton of information and support from other Army wives and girlfriends. Enlist her friends and family and explain to them what is going on and encourage her to get a hobby. (mine is cake decorating and my dogs)

          If you have any question or if she does let me know. Im always happy to help.

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          • #6
            Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

            Originally posted by ryanph View Post
            I haven't officially enlisted but I have set the wheels in motion and it is just a matter of time now. The only problem I am having is that my girlfriend sometimes feels as if I chose this over her. We have been together for four years and this is something I have always wanted to do but have just finally decided to go through with it. She is being really supportive but sometimes gets a little upset about me leaving and choosing a more difficult life style.
            This is a cause I really believe in but I really love me girlfriend too. I have never really been good with words and need help finding a good, reassuring way to tell her that I am not choosing this over her. She is still the most important thing. I am choosing to have both.
            Any encouraging words or stories would be really appreciated!
            Funny, I don't see the word "wife" in there. Like with all things, she needs to get on board, or pack her stuff. Or your enlistment will be miserable with her being mad at you and you wasting your time worrying about it during training. it's a distraction.

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            • #7
              Re: Explaining my decision to join to my girlfriend...

              Some of us are slow to warm up to the idea of having our significant other be taken away from us at a moment's notice... April of 2009 was when my husband (at the time my fiance). Decided to enlist. I gave him very explicit directions that he could to the physical, blah blah blah, but he wasn't to sign any paperwork yet. He came home with contract in hand, signed. I wasn't happy, at first.

              It was a bit of something to get used to, Tell you the secret though. Tell her what it means to you, why its important, and also if you're planning a future with her, the military is a great way to get a head start on things. I cannot tell you how much the money my husband made at training helped get us a head as a couple. We were able to pay off all our debts and put some away in emergency savings and still have some left over to do fun activities. While you may be joining the guard for you, you are also joining it for her.

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