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  • Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

    Hi, this is my first post but I have been reading these forums for several months now. A little background on myself is appropriate, I suppose. I am 25yo college grad (Criminology major) and I live in Connecticut. My girlfriend and I have a one and a half year old daughter. My plan for life after college was to become a police officer and then become a member of the CTARNG. However, becoming a police officer here has proven to be a difficult task for me. I can't keep chasing that dream and putting off the rest of my plans. At this point I am (recently) unemployed.

    About 7 months ago I spoke with a recruiter and got my options. I had the opportunity to go the 09s route. I took the asvab and filled out all my paperwork. The day I was leaving for MEPS my girlfriend began to cry and said she didn't want to be alone with our daughter etc. I cancelled everything in hopes she would eventually be able to accept it. I feel like I let down my recruiter because he gave me everything I asked for and did it all within 10 days after we first met. I got FOCS (that was a big deal for me). Now, my girlfriend has never had to do anything alone. As far as support, she has been spoiled in the past. That is the basis of her fear. We would be better off financially whenever I am gone. I do not know what to tell her to make it easier. Or maybe I should just go and let her grow up while I am gone? She doesn't think it will benefit my future civilian opportunities, she doesn't want to be alone and she thinks I will hate it for all 6 years.

    I have enough to worry about going to basic and OCS, if it is still available, that I do not want to worry about my family at home.

  • #2
    Re: Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

    We're not really good at this sort of thing.....as there are so many variables. The fact of the matter is you will be better off than where you are now. Most if not all Law Enforcement Agencies will appreciate your service in the Guard, especially since it offers so many facets of training that you won't see on the civillian side. You really screwed the pooch not going to FOCS when you got the chance in my honest opinion.

    I'm not sure how great your girlfriend is doing financially but I'm sure eventually the two of you will need to make a decision if work doesn't come soon. Unless you consider moving to a different state that is in dire need for sworn officers, or are considering active duty, this decision may become more important than ever. If she is/was spoiled, just leaving might allow her to grow with you not being there. Alot of spouses/significant others have to do the same when servicemembers go on deployments or extended training rotations.

    I dont' mean for you to be selfish, but do what's best for you, especially since it seems obvious that it is equally good for your family.

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    • #3
      Re: Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

      She is 21 and dropped out of college since we had a baby. Her parents disagreed with our choice to keep the baby so they help out less than she was used to at 18. They have come around emotionally, I guess, but she is on her own and while I am gone she will REALLY be on her own. Everyone tells me I made a huge mistake when I did not jump on FOCS. At the time, I did not realize how great my recruiter was.

      Everyone we know that was in the military says not to join. That is a big thing for her. Maybe this is time for me to face my weakness of making her go through hard times. You are right, I should be more focused on the hard times I will be going through. I here OCS is pretty tough. I appreciate your response.

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      • #4
        Re: Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

        Former CTARNG Guardsman here. A few posts today of young men who are not getting work but they sure did good work in making babies. As a father of two girls and married for nearly 20 years, I wanted to make sure I was established with myself and the wife before having children. I did not have my first child until I was 34 and its great to have a child with a wife than a girlfriend.

        You have a responsibility now and you have to do whatever it takes to take care of your family even though you have a spouse who does not fully comprehend your efforts in ensuring they are taken care of.

        You are not going to war and will be gone for just a few months and will be generating an income. Try to reassure her the best that you can and drive on with your current plan in providing for your family.
        Last edited by Chief Kemosabe; September 24th, 2013, 05:30 PM.

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        • #5
          Re: Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

          Originally posted by CTdrowning View Post
          Hi, this is my first post but I have been reading these forums for several months now. A little background on myself is appropriate, I suppose. I am 25yo college grad (Criminology major) and I live in Connecticut. My girlfriend and I have a one and a half year old daughter. My plan for life after college was to become a police officer and then become a member of the CTARNG. However, becoming a police officer here has proven to be a difficult task for me. I can't keep chasing that dream and putting off the rest of my plans. At this point I am (recently) unemployed.

          About 7 months ago I spoke with a recruiter and got my options. I had the opportunity to go the 09s route. I took the asvab and filled out all my paperwork. The day I was leaving for MEPS my girlfriend began to cry and said she didn't want to be alone with our daughter etc. I cancelled everything in hopes she would eventually be able to accept it. I feel like I let down my recruiter because he gave me everything I asked for and did it all within 10 days after we first met. I got FOCS (that was a big deal for me). Now, my girlfriend has never had to do anything alone. As far as support, she has been spoiled in the past. That is the basis of her fear. We would be better off financially whenever I am gone. I do not know what to tell her to make it easier. Or maybe I should just go and let her grow up while I am gone? She doesn't think it will benefit my future civilian opportunities, she doesn't want to be alone and she thinks I will hate it for all 6 years.

          I have enough to worry about going to basic and OCS, if it is still available, that I do not want to worry about my family at home.
          you did...

          not trying to sound like a douche but if youre having all this issues with BCT you sure have it coming if you ever have to deploy for a year. I know that deployments are uncommon for the near future etc, but fact of matter is youre planning on joining the Military...which can deploy you at any time. Before i even spoke with a recruiter, i had the talk with the wife, and we balanced out the pros and cons. You should try and have the talk again...and mention the realistic fact of a deployment, even if its 3-5 years down the road

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          • #6
            Re: Having trouble convincing girlfriend!

            MV16: You don't sound like a douche at all. I have thought everything that has been posted thus far. We have had that conversation several times. At this point, I just hope my recruiter will offer me the same option. I will be seeing him on thursday. This is not just over BCT. The possibility of OCS immediately following BCT would make for almost 6 months...however the same concept you stated still applies. I think after a month she will get used to it all.

            Chief: I was anticipating your comment as I have read a lot of posts from you during my searching/lurking on these forums. My plan was to be well established before having a family and marriage as well. Things happen and I have rolled with the punches. I think she comprehends my efforts. She just does not believe it will help my future career (law enforcement or not) as much as we hope. Lets face it. I will come home unemployed. Either way my main reason for joining is to serve. A little OT, but do you know how CT picks the Officer's job? Is it Order of Merit or just what spots are available? Does my Criminology degree come in to play? I would like Military Police but this conversation itself is getting WAY ahead of where I am not.

            Thank you both for your help. Hopefully my recruiter will give me the same options as last time!

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