problem with parents and enlisting

[jrotcchick_07]

ok the thing is i am ready and wanting to go into the national guard but my mom is really scared and says that i am not going and mind you this i am 18 and her oldelst daughter. what do i do????

[ping9798]

If you are 18, you can sign anytime you want. You don't need parental permission if you are already of legal age.

If acceptance from your mother is what you want, try sitting her down and explaining the reasons why you'd like to enlist. Talk with your local recruiter - they should be more than willing to meet with both of you so that your mother can be more educated on your decision.

I'm not enlisted yet, but I was having the same problem with my parents. Come to find out, the only reason my mom was so against it was because she thought it was like active duty where you ship out to a base and you're gone full-time. Maybe your mother just has a big misconception about the military. Be honest with her and inform her of everything so that she can see you are making an educated decision.

[jrotcchick_07]

hey thanks for the advice.

[ping9798]

I'm not that great with advice, but if it works for you, I'm glad.

Good luck to you.





-Lindsay

[Echo]

lol ping is like your 18 you can do what ever you want and go for your goal and Echo is like this link my help talk with your parents..

I'm reasonably sure that most recruits would like to have their parent's blessings when considering enlisting in the Armed Forces.

That said, there's also a percentage that says, "I'm 18 and I'll do whatever I want"... along with the select group of parents who don't want their Lil' Johnny or Jenny to have anything to do with the military.

I fall into the opposite group of parents... and my daughter is in the "Don't want to have anything to do with the military, except to wear camo" percentage!

Maybe if we had a compulsory service system like, say, Israel does... this topic would be less of an issue?

We couldn't afford it... but it's food for thought. :)

[Jan]

I read this with interest, because, in a way, I'm in the same boat. I just broke it to my parents, friends, and family that I'm joining the guard.

The other side of the coin is, I know where your mom is coming from, since I have kids of my own, and I am also old enough to be your mother! So, excuse me when I get into my mom mode.

Moms are like that. I'm 35 and my mom STILL shows up at my house with bags of groceries that she just "happens" to have with her (we live 30 miles away from each other). Moms worry, and will always think of their kids as their babies. Perhaps she's worried about the stress. Maybe it's deployment. Maybe she'll think this is spur of the moment and that you don't know what you are jumping into.

Rather than just popping this one to your family, do some soul searching. Ask yourself WHY you want to enlist. List the pros and cons (the cons are what Mom is gonna hit you with). Then, do some research. There are soooo many benes that I didn't know existed until AFTER I made the decision to enlist. Actually write yourself notes and outlines.

When you go to her, you will be prepared. You can mention the pay, how it will supplement your income. How about $$$ for college? GI bill, kicker, and all sorts of educational stuff that I can't even remember (I already have my B.S. so I'm not focusing on that). Think of the great training in your MOS and how it will prepare you for a job and/or career in the "real" world. Life insurance, dental insurance~ it's stuff YOU might not really care about, but moms do. If you get an enlistment bonus, don't just tell her that you're getting $XX,XXX, but tell her what you plan to do with it ("I'd like to put down a down payment on a house" or "I'd like to buy a more reliable car" or "I'd like to start planning for my future"). How about retirement benes? That's a REAL biggie. I'm much closer to retirement than you are, and I have done NOTHING to save for my retirement. It will be on you before you know it. START NOW.

Yes, you have a point, and so do the other posters... you ARE 18, and it is entirely your choice. You don't have to ask her permission, and you don't even need her to approve. This is all part of growing up and leaving the nest! I would be disappointed in you if you said "Well, I decided not to join, because my mom doesn't want me to." BUT~ and this is just "IMHO"~ you have a much better chance of smooth sailing and support if you show her in black and white the benes and the thought process that went into your decision. And it will show her how much you have matured and grown up. That will go A LOT further than "Too bad, I'm 18!" Moms don't like attitudes.:rolleyes: Also, maybe your recruiter would be willing to chat on the phone with her? My mom really likes my recruiter. My kids do, too; but that's because they got cool Nascar stuff. My daughter is still hoping for the "Hello Kitty joins the Guard" plush doll, but I don't see that as being hot merchandise! But I digress...

Just remember, stick to your guns, and don't cave in. In the end, even if she hates the idea, you will really end up making your mom proud!!!

Best of luck to you, and let us all know how it goes!
Jan

p.s. if you need any good, juicy words and phrases that moms love, just let me know. Like... structure, planning, dependable, responsibility, "I've been giving this some serious thought", reliable, stable, income, retirement..."I'd like to know how you feel about that", etc. Those are sure to do the trick!!!:D

[Echo]

Outstanding advice Jan... simply outstanding!

[Rhughes]

I have to agree with Jan. If you when you talk to them you have your reasons and even some answers to their reasons for you not to join they may not be happy about but most parents I supect will respect the decision.

I know if one of my teenagers came up to me today and told me they were enlistinmg My first reaction as a parent would be against it. Hey, I'm a dad and its my job even though I am in the process of joining. But as a dad I have to respect the choices my kids make. I guess what I am trying to say is we parents may not like some of the choices our kids make but we learn to live with and accept them. We forget they sre not little ones any more.

[jrotcchick_07]

thanx jan this really helped out

[Towely]

Im kind of in the same situation. I just broke the news to my parents last week. They FLIPPED out on me. They demand i go to college and get a degree before doing anything like this. I just turned 18 but they are threatening me with the whole "you're 18 but as long as you live under my roof you WILL NOT do this!"

Idk what to do...theres no talking to them about it either. Every time i mention it they blow off w/e i say and tell me to "take more time and think about it."

Well except for last time when i just ended up recieving 2 hours off, top of the lungs, cussing and swearing about how 'selfing and short sighted' i was being...

[Echo]

It's so strange to me when I read this sort of post... I'd be just the opposite... yet my 26 year old is like your parents... she doesn't want to hear a word I have to say about it!!!! lol... I pretty much, sorta, gave up on the idea a while ago!

[Jan]

Im kind of in the same situation. I just broke the news to my parents last week. They FLIPPED out on me. They demand i go to college and get a degree before doing anything like this. I just turned 18 but they are threatening me with the whole "you're 18 but as long as you live under my roof you WILL NOT do this!"

Idk what to do...theres no talking to them about it either. Every time i mention it they blow off w/e i say and tell me to "take more time and think about it."

Well except for last time when i just ended up recieving 2 hours off, top of the lungs, cussing and swearing about how 'selfing and short sighted' i was being...

Ah, yes... the "but as long as you live under my roof" speech!:D My kids are still under 10 y/o, but I am already looking forward to that day when I can give them the same speech!!! Of course, I figured that speech would come out when they wanted to start drinking/smoking/ having girlfriends spend the night... not joining the Guard!!!

First~ finishing college. Yes, college is an EXCELLENT idea. But hey- college, National Guard~ the two go hand in hand VERY WELL. And why on earth would you/your parents want to pay actual money to go to college when the Guard will pay for most/all of it? You're planning on doing both at some point in time, why not do them both at once? They complement each other very well. Drills are on weekends, when you don't go to school. A.T. is two weeks during the summer, so you also won't miss school.

(Also, if you had to get a civilian part-time job to get a little cash, it probably would interfere with your study time, and your grades would suffer; parents HATE suffering grades).

Seriously, the education package is DIVINE. I can't go into detail, since I didn't pay any attention to that part of the recruitment speech. But I got some great handy-dandy printouts from him showing the kazillion different bonuses and kickers and grants and you name it to get a degree.

As far as the arguments... you have no control over them, but you DO have control of what you say and how you word it. (Hey! I have a cool certificate collecting dust, that says I'm trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution and mediation). Don't try to push anything when the parental units are seeing red. If they are already foaming at the mouth, the best thing to do might be just to walk away. If they still go just nuts whenever you open your mouth, you might want to try writing a letter to them and handing it to them. If they wig, just say "I'd like to discuss this with you after you've had time to cool down a bit. Could we talk about this over later tonight?" Don't stoop to their level, and don't get nasty back. Show them how rational and mature you are.

If all else fails, and they still are flipping out on you~ okay, please take this in the right context~ don't throw a temper tantrum, don't give them ultimatums, don't be a spoiled brat upset because you aren't getting your way~ but you might want to consider moving out. This might just be the time in your life to spread your wings and flutter from the nest. Carefully think this through. I think you've proven to us, on the forum, that you are being an adult and making mature, responsible decisions. It might be the time in your life to take the big step, find a roommate, and move out. I know when I went to college, I lived with my mom. But that just wasn't enough. I was engaged, and would soon be living with my husband. So I moved out. I needed that time to be on my own, being responsible for paying the cable bill, cooking for myself, cleaning the toilet, etc. I'm glad I had the chance to be on my own; it helped me grow.

Absolute best of luck to you! I'll keep my fingers crossed!

[Towely]

^^ thanks for the support and advice.

One problem is im looking at going active duty after I graduate so they pull the "well they will pay back your loans when u enlist" card.

They really want me to get the experience of college under my belt and get a bit wiser before i make such a huge choice. I can totaly understand that. I don't expect them to agree with the decision. I just wish that, now that i have told them what im GOING to do, they would support me. Its not like im coming out of the closet(not being homophobic but they are christians, im just saying its not like im asking to go out and do something that goes directly against their beliefs...) or telling them im going to be a stripper or that i do drugs ect.. **** i don't even go to drinking parties! Im asking to serve my country ffs....

I have thought about moving out. If i sign up i know its going to have to be against their will/behind their backs. At this point there is no way i see them just sitting back and letting me do it. They would be up in arms against it till the second i left for basic. I don't think that they would kick me out if i signed up but i do think that my life at home would become so tense and unhappy i would be better off on my own. The only problem is i don't have nearly enough money at this point. I just put in my 2 week notice at a **** job. I hardly have enough money to buy a new car(I have 10k dollars that i inherited from my grandmother but that is in a CD that doesn't mature for 1/2 a year and its in my parents contol as to how much im allowed to spend and on what till i turn 25).

At the moment i have about 2k spendable cash(-300 if i go through with buying an ak-47 but im putting that on hold for now just incase i have to make some drastic changes).

I really don't want to move out and i don't feel im ready too. Its just it sometimes seems my parents aren't giving me much of a choice. Its either do exactly what they wish(to a point) or my relationship with them will become so ****** that i wont be able to stand living at home.

I still have one year of HS left. I go to a private school and many of my friends have pretty well-off parents. If things get really bad i sappose maybe i could move in with one of them for an affordable price but i really don't want my parents to get a bad rap because they are so 'evil they forced their own kid to move out.'

Another problem im having is i can't really tell them my reason for wanting to enlist now. I really would like to get at least one tour to Iraq. Im going to enlist as an 11b and if i told my mom that i know it would crush her.

And just 3 weeks ago they really laid into me about how i should finish college first and i sorta made it sound like that was the way i was leaning(but never said it) which was a huge mistake on my part. "We will support you no matter what you do..."....unless u want to enlist in the military...hehe :( I know they love me and mean well but this whole issue has gotten me so stressed lately.

[Echo]

Towely... while I agree with you and Jan of course... I can almost sorta, maybe, in a way... see your parents' POV as well. (Unless they're just anti-military or something like that... then I don't)

There's part of me that wishes I'd have waited before I went in @ 17... got some more maturity out in the work force before I signed up.

But what the heck, I thought that was the Army's job<grin>... that they would make you a better person and so on... and yes... that's TRUE to a large extent... but the individual then has to take what they've given you... not backslide... and run with it... and some don't.

I like to think that the dividends of military service accrue over time... some how... at some time... they'll help you to succeed... even if you don't really recognize them as such at the time.

That said... there's a statistic that shows that somewhere in the vicinity of 40% of military personnel don't make it thru their first enlistment... based on what I saw in the early 70's... it was worst than that!

All I'm saying... is weigh your options carefully... try your very best to guage your future (I know... it's either hard to do or the sky's the limit)... and be very, very careful about what you wish for.

Do yourself a favor... and read this complete article... 14 parts... multiple pages in each:

What The Recruiter Never Told You (http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/joiningup/a/recruiter.htm)

[Rhughes]

I have to agree with Jan and Echo, parents can be a pain, yours truly included. Even as an adult my dad still flips out when my brother and I decide to do something like join the military or work in law enforcemnt like he did. But ultimaely you are and adult and like or not they will come around in time mine did when I enlisted the first time.

My advise is follow your heart. As I said before a parents job is to protect their kids and we sometimes go over board. Yes we are at war and I am going to do a little flag waving, folks have to understand what is at stake our freedom. Yes as Jan pointed out their are a great many benefits to joing the Guard and I for one am going to take advantage of them.

I also agree with something Echo said, in hindsight when I enlisted at 18 I was not mature enough and even when I became an E5 I still did not totally grasp true leadership. But the foundation was laid in I am a better person and a better employee for the lessons I learned almost 20 years ago. Not to mention I miss the military discipline etc.

The best thing to do is sit down with your folks and without getting into a screaming match give them your list of reasons and listen to theirs. Tell them most importantly you love and respect their point of view but they must also respect yours. Joining is a big decision and when they see you are doing it for the correct reason not to mention the change that will take pl;ace in you as a person I think they will come around.

[BoomerSooner]

Something to remember is that most parents of military age children still remember the Vietnam era, and the military of the 70's (the 70's saw the end of Vietnam and the draft. There were alot of drug and racial problems in the military, pay was low and the military was not always seen as the honorable profession it is. There were alot of pains transitioning from that to the armed forces of today). On top of that, there is the current war news, and the media has been trying (incorrectly) to paint the war on terror into something similar to vietnam.

Having the recruiter talk to her may help. In addition, if you know someone who has been in the Guard or military and it was a positive influence on their life, have them talk to her as well.

The reverse of this is true, some people think that military personnel and recruiters especially as not telling the truth about the service. Almost as if it is some sort of secret cult. Most of my family is former military (various branches and jobs) and I have tried to get into for the last 15 years (I've had some medical issues I have yet to get waived, but still trying). If she has questions and wants some answers from someone NOT in the military, but with a pretty good knowledge of it or the ability to get info on it, you can even PM me and I will post answers to any questions. I am 32 and have kids, am college educated and hold a "real" civillian job and can probably give here a pretty realistic view of things without being part of the "cult":)

[tanker23]

my mom was the same way, but hey, you're 18......
do you what you think is best for you

[TRUEBLUE4LIFE]

Was it a fad ? Was everyone else you were hanging out with thinking the same thing? sorry I have to ask?..or something more serious? if I was you I would just come out and say the truth. Was it that you were drinking and smoked out and you didn't know what the **** was going on? If what you say is true and your cured of any bad thoughts. You seem like your on the ball and not a .......head case. See ....that's what meps and command look for. If you have or had issues of this kind. A lot of soldiers had things and issues they had or have to take of...but the end result is they have worked it out in court or it took care of itself. This my friend is different. It will be very tough but...not impossible. Because this is all above me and out there. I am just trying to be helpful. Good luck. .....talk to a recruiter here (IN ASK A RECRUITER) And in person... And just go for it.

[JennerGuardGirl06]

Hey I am 18 and going through the same thing I am glad that someone else is having the same problem. I don't really know what to do but when you find some answers let me know. The only thing i know is to go into the guard and think about us and our future it is really our lives and our decisions. We have to think about what we want and what is best for us.


Jen

Write back

Daves_Pumpkin_06@Yahoo.com

[Robert.Myers]

Again...you are of legal age to make your own decisions but joining the National Guard is also a family oriented decision. You will be coming back home, that's the good news. Sometime in the future you will be getting deployed, somewhat bad news. But talk to your mother, get the facts and have a sit down conversation of the pro's and cons. Get all the details first before signing away so you don't make any rash decisions.

[rotcgal826]

If your going into the National Guard be sure to tell your mom that you won't get set to Iraq but the worst that can happen right now is get sent to the border for a few months. My mom cried for days before I went to meps. My husband is in the military as an MP in the National Guard. Just have her talk to a recruiter and let her ask the questions.

[collingj]

It is very important to have acceptance from your family. The best thing to do is address the issue. Why is your mother scared? Is it because you'll be away at training, or is it the thought of you in combat. Most civilians don't understand the training involved in preparing a soldier for a deployment. When you complete your advanced training you will be prepared to overcome any obstacle. You need to instill in your mother that the National Guard doesn't just throw you a weapon and say "follow me." There is a lot involved. All of the college money, bonuses, and technical training are just great incentives to the ability to serve in the greatest country in the world!

[HR NCO]

:D :D I just wanted to drag up a 3 year old thread and see how many people read 3 long pages of it and posted before realizing it was 3 years old

Happy Wednesday everyone...thats my gift to you