how to get wife onboard with me?

[sberr]

I am prior service...active 91-94...E-4 as an 11C....I was single then. Now, I am married with three young kids. I really want to rejoin in a bad way because I miss the military life and my patriotic feelings have come back. Needless to say, my wife thinks I have lost my mind. However, she does not understand the feeling inside of me. Does anyone have less than supportive spouses..and how did you get them on your side...or do they just learn to tolerate it. The whole deployment thing now days is what has her worried. Any suggestions would be great. I kinda want to sign up and get through MEPS before the Novemeber elections are through.

Sberr

[OSUCherokee]

I know this doesn't answer your question, but what do the elections have to do with it? I'm kinda curious.

[Samber]

That is one question that you will never get answered. Look through these forums. They are loaded with questions about spouces/significant others that are not supportive. I am in the same boat as you right now. I so badly want to join, but I just can't get my significant other to see my side. That is the only thing that is holding me back. I just can't do this without his blessing. No, we're not married, but we are living together. But I still need his blessing.

As soon as someone finds a way to get their spouces to agree with them, the Army will have too many recruits!

[doubtfuldarhma]

I am joining and I do understand the patriotic pull however did you ever mention to your wife that you would ever think about joining up again? If not - then you have married her under a false premise and in upsetting your lives (hers, yours, and your childrens) she has a definite say. I am sorry your wife doesn't understand the gravity of the world situation for her children . You don't have a right to brow beat her but just keep trying to educate her on what is going on. Take the guard out of discussion for now and let her know you love her and just want what is best for your family. And instill patriotism in your children.

Responsibility is hard but worth it.

[marine]

The money, Soilder. The money. Show her the money.

Benefits, education, bonus, extra monthly money.

Its the one thing we all respond to and the one thing we all need.

[Towely]

The money, Soilder. The money. Show her the money.

Benefits, education, bonus, extra monthly money.

Its the one thing we all respond to and the one thing we all need.

That doesn't always work. It failed misserably on my mom. She is still DEAD SET against it.

[sberr]

I know this doesn't answer your question, but what do the elections have to do with it? I'm kinda curious.

For the most part, everyone is holding the status quo on the any further deployment until the elections are over. When they are over there will be alot of shifting of the troops. If my unit gets deployed before I get in, it will be a "I told you so" issue to deal with. If i get in first then deployed, my wife and i will be forced to deal with it instead of me just talking about going in....sounds stupid....but that my thinking

[sberr]

That doesn't always work. It failed misserably on my mom. She is still DEAD SET against it.

Well, the money does not attract her if its going to take me away for a long time. I have tried that angle. some women are not about the money. Most of them are about the companionship.....she worries that she will not have if I am deployed or KIA.

[ping9798]

I've been seeing someone off and on for the past two years. He knows that I want to enlist, but is against it. We started talking again over the past week or so and he said we could move forward together but I "have to promise there won't be any enlisting." You know what I said to that?? SEE YA!!

My whole opinion on this thing is that joining the military isn't a selfish decision. It's for a bigger purpose and a bigger cause than one person. If you feel a calling to military service, do it. Family, friends, significant others, etc..would hopefully come around and see that what you are doing is something to be proud of and respect. I would much rather join and have my parents, friends, etc mad at me for a little while until they saw how happy I was with the situation, than not join at all. I don't want to look back when I'm 40, 50, 60 years old regretting everyday not making the decision to enlist. I also wouldn't want to hold a grudge and be bitter toward the people who didn't want me to join. I don't ask them to give up their hopes and dreams on my account, so why give up mine, you know?

There isn't a clear cut way to get people to accept you wanting to enlist. If that was the case, a lot more people would join. Just explain to her how much it means to you and that it's a good opportunity to serve your country. It's not forever - you can get out in a few years and never go back if you don't want to. If you don't do it, you will regret it and resent your wife for it. The only way to TRY to get her to come around, is to talk to her. Maybe take her down to the recruiters office and that way she can ask questions as well. Maybe she has fears based on misconceptions that can be cleared up. And maybe say that you would support her decisions and it would mean a lot if she could support yours.

Just my 2 cents, I guess.

Lindsay

[doubtfuldarhma]

I do agree a little if it's a "significant other" screw them they are not significant enough to build a life with then they have no say. But a spouse- that is diff. It is the quick road to divorce and someone else raising your kids.
And when you're 40 , 50, 60 whatever that would be something to truly look on with regret.
Yes, it is important to serve but it is also important to pair up with the right type of person. One who can support your decision so if you are away from home you can concentrate on you job and not how upset your spouse is or how there is a giant wedge between you.
That is why I said to work on educating her and your kids on what is going on
(and maybe if your kids are old enough) they can start helping your wife to
understand that it is for everyone not just you.
Also, I am glad for you that the "money" didn't change her mind sounds like she loves you not what you can give her.
I do hope that someday soon she might change her mind about the guard.

Good luck

[sberr]

Thanks for all of the input guys and gals. I have given my wife a two week break from talking about the National Guard. I am going to aproach her again this coming weekend...hopefully she might be a little more receptive. I know I cannot expect total support about my decision; however, I just want her to respect the decision that I want to make. She actually joked about me being in the NG the other day....maybe she is warming up. In addition, she has seen me running in order to get prepared for those PT once again....it has been a while....so, she know I am still serious about what I wanrt to do. I thank you for your support in this forum and i will keep you updated. I am going to propose this weekend that I enlist through the try one year program. Just maybe she will let me do that. Get her feet wet living the NG life and let me get my feet in the door. Hopefully, the Bonuses will stick around for another year.

Sberr

[Mac]

My wife was calling her Dad today. She mentionned that I was considering joining the guard and was expecting him to be against it. He is ALL OVER IT! My father-in-law, the retired Soviet Colonel (let that sink in for a sec....) fully supports my decision, and told his daughter to be more supportive.
LOL!